What To Do When You’re Feeling Lost…
Posted by Goddess Leonie on July 15th, 2010. Filed under: Joyful Goddess Life.
Yesterday morning, I was all set to go with a blog post about our 2010 Goddess Goals and Theme. And I pressed publish, all happy with myself for getting it done and out there (getting anything done feels like a huge success now I’m a mama!)
Anyhewsles, an hour later, Great Spirit says to me:
you must write this. now.
And I was all
Ummm, okay Great Spirit. But I’ve just blogged. I can write this and publish later this week, no?
The answer was strong.
No. People need this now.
Who am I to try to reason with Great Spirit about blog publishing times?
And then Lil Mermaid must have been working with Great Spirit, because she feel asleep in the sling soon after. So I set my laptop upon a box, swaying Lil Mermaid, and with listening, waiting, fumbling hands, took dictation from Great Spirit.
I didn’t read it over. I just trusted.
And pressed Publish.
For the last 24 hours I’ve been brought to tears over the comments and emails. My heart has opened and widened and opened some more.
It made me believe all over again that each of us have a thousand angels. That we are all fish swimming in an ocean of love. That sometimes we forget that because we are so immersed in it – I think fish would forget sometimes that there is water all around them too.
All I know is we are all in this together. That we are walking this path together as sisters and brothers (I was utterly delighted to hear from two of our beautiful spirit brothers yesterday. Go goddess guys!)
So I’m feeling grateful and touched by all of you. So incredibly much. Thank you for being you. Thank you for bring a part of my tribe.
I was just whispering to Lil Mermaid that most of all, I want every soul in this world, babies and us big people alike, that we are worthy of love.
That is what I wish for for you. For you and me to know this to be true:
You are worthy.
You are already loved.
You are so utterly, divinely worthy.
What to do…
Now, the next question is this… One a beautiful, talented goddess just asked me…
I’m feeling all those things. What do I do about it?
Question of the year. A golden question.
How on Earth do I share in a way that could possibly help?
I could make up a list of hippy dippy flippity floppity things that every man and his rainbow dog yarps on about (Sit outside in nature! Watch a sunset! Go on a retreat!) and sure, those things totally work. But they are probably not very helpful to you right now.
So instead, I can only share where I have found my big medicine: in my own life.
I so hope these stories help, heal or awaken a little something, dearest heart. I love you and you deserve goodness.
Get a cup of tea and I will share the medicine that has got me through my own dark nights of the soul.
Giving birth was the most intense initiation of my life. The only way I could get through it was to enter each wave breathing. I am deep breathing in. I am deep breathing out. The only thing I could control was my breath. And control it I did. Breathing in: 1 2 3 4. Breathing out: 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1. (When you count backwards from 8, you really try to get to 1 by extending your breath. And when your exhales are substantially longer than your inhales, they trigger relaxant hormones. Holy dinger I have become a fan of nice hormones!) I learned by HAVING TO DO IT that breathing deeply and slowly is the best pain medication and tension reliever there is. Even now, I just do my breathe-by-numbers and it stops impending flip outs.
If breathing by numbers can help a woman get through an incredibly intense labour, what could it do for you when you need it?
I know, I know. Breathing.
It’s as boring as batshit.
But when it’s the only thing you’ve got?
Powerful.powerful.stuff.
What would happen if the next time everything sucked you started breathing by numbers?
And you didn’t just breathe, you became your breath? 1 2 3 4. 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1…
You breathed until the moment passed, and everything changed again. You breathed a hole into the cloak, you breathed a space of possibility for a tiny glow of light to come play in. You breathed until it was better.
What could that possibly be like?
I have more to share about what’s worked for me. I’ll write more this week.
But for now, I want to hear from you.
What gets you through dark nights of the soul?
What advice – small or big – can you give to another beautiful soul who is in pain or lost?
Tell me in the comments dearest heart. Let’s create a big medicine bag together… and share in each other’s wisdom.
You know James and the Giant Peach?
What if we all travelled around in a giant heart instead and had tea parties in there?
Love you just like that,
July 15th, 2010 at 1:51 am
I have spent much of the last several years lost, and frequent in soul pain. I was a soldier, a mama to 4 boys, and a wife to a man who spends literally more than half the time deployed as a soldier. I spent so much of my time ignoring my pain and loss, thinking that I had to be strong for my family. It has taken me almost 10 years to realize that sometimes it is okay to just break down and cry. It’s okay to not be Super Mama all the time and it is okay to give in to the pain. Sometimes the tears and the angst are what it takes to cleanse your soul and your heart and that lets you move through it and meet the rest of your life cleansed and refreshed. It doesn’t happen overnight but it does happen. Embrace the little joys and happiness along the way and you will heal again. Be blessed,…
July 15th, 2010 at 2:24 am
I’m not Buddhist but a friend convinced me to go to a four day meditation retreat at a Buddhist monastery. I learned to empty my mind and focus on breathing until we were able to reach a point where we didn’t experience the attachments of thoughts or pain from sitting for many hours. We weren’t our bodies. We were everything. At times, I find it difficult to be still. But during those moments of feeling lost, I discovered that there is a degree of meditating in the repetition of things, like knitting or drawing (for me, pointalism…many dots that form a picture). Walking meditation helps because there is a repetition in the steps you take. I often wonder if this is why many Native Americans use the repetition of a drumbeat. Maybe it’s to match the beating of your own heart. It makes you feel centered. Recently, I’ve joined an organization called Crowdrise online. It helps you post projects for charities. You can vote for people’s charities and give them points. I’ve been repetitively voting for people who join. It gives me a sense of satisfaction to acknowledge people who want to do something good for the world. Finally, if I feel like I need help for any problems for myself or someone else, I light a candle. My mom taught me to light a candle for the uniqueness of your soul. It’s like leaving a message for the universe with this flame and it allows you to let the universe take care of any problems. It takes away the burden of carrying the stress when you can delegate it to a higher power.
July 15th, 2010 at 2:45 am
Well, I’ve had some horrendous Dark Nights, but the funny thing is, by the time I got to the worst one (my husband dying after we were married for 6 months~ and I’d been in love with him for YEARS prior to the marriage!), I had the tools that I could use to make it not only beareable, but a grace-soaked time of gentle grief and light-filled hope.
I guess the first thing I’d bring up would be simple faith that everything WILL be ok (I don’t know how I did that, during his fading-away time, since I’ve not been super-good at faith, but I determined to believe, and did). Even when it goes against logic (and that’s pretty much the definition of faith), it gave room in me for grace.
Plus gratitude and appreciation, DEEP, constant gratitude and appreciation, for what I had in the present moment, whatever beauty I could find around me (and there was always some for the finding). I did this after DH’s death, and it did incredible things for me.
I think it was because I had chosen faith in the face of all the odds, and then turned to gratitude for what I still had, that I was able to access that incredible grace and serenity.
After that, I picked up centering prayer and meditation as a practice, and it has helped me prolong my serenity and have well-being, even excitement about life ~ I usually bounce around between enthusiasm/passion to serenity and back again, so I guess it’s worked pretty well. Those Dark Nights are just a dim, bittersweet memory of the times I was learning how to pry open the treasure chest!
July 15th, 2010 at 3:28 am
Each time I am challenged, I build up a reserve of strength and awareness of my courage and faith. For me, when I am in a rough spot I recall the times I came through before, stronger and wiser for the experience. This may sound simplistic, but this has worked for me: when I am having a dark day/night I remind myself it is just something to be gotten through. The only way through it, is through it sometimes. I KNOW things will change and somehow by accepting that right now is as it is, it is rough, makes it bearable. It is my resistance to whatever is coming up that causes me more pain than simple surrender and riding that wave through. Actually, this reminds me that I used to dream a lot about giant waves looming over me – my anxiety dream. And one night, I saw that wave and I dove under it. Those dreams stopped!
What grounds me is my yoga practice and making art. I commit to practice because I am building up this foundation that will support me when I am shaky and in doubt. I totally doubted this all when I was trying to conceive a child; but somehow even though I thought “this is all pointless!” it was such a practice, a habit, I could not give it up. And it carried me to a new place where I understood the gifts my hardships were offering me; I was able to see solutions. But what happened would not have been possible without the trials I went through. My heart was softened and opened and ready to embrace an even bigger adventure.
So yeah, finding something that can be a touchstone, a reminder of what you believe/wish to hold within yourself and surrendering to the process (not surrendering to the darkness! But trusting there may be a lesson to be found, a teaching, a hidden strength waiting to be discovered)
A timely post Leonie … and often when I am struggling I hear YOUR voice and the beautiful advice you have shared here and in our guidance session.
xo Lis
(Mary, I would love more info on crowdrise. I checked out your link but am unclear if I can join with a fundraising project for an already established pledge page through the organization? If you link to my blog, click on “Painting with a Purpose” on the right to see what my daughter & I are doing – could we be on crowdrise? We have 3 more weeks of a campaign and want to get the word out. Thanks!)
July 15th, 2010 at 9:27 am
Two of the best things that have gotten me through are my journal and my 3am friend(s).
I’ve learned to keep my journal and a couple of pens by my bed and I just dump everything that is swirling around on to paper totally stream of conscious. I don’t try to analyze or make it coherant, I just let it all come out, worries, fears, anger, tears and all. I’m usually so tired I just drift off to sleep afterwards but sometime I can’t so that’s where my 3am friend(s) comes in. It is someone I call (and it’s usually in the wee hours of the morning) when I feel like everything is too big and I can’t breathe. She listens (because that’s usually all you can do at the wee hours) and helps me remember to breathe.
My 3am friend is usually the last resort when I really just can’t find the comfort I need from my usual means.
July 15th, 2010 at 11:11 am
I make art. I write. I scribble. I dance. I write some more. I talk to a friend whom I trust. I take classes and learn more about myself. I go on a women’s retreat. I take more classes. I write some more. I make some more art. I decide to get a therapist. I write some more. I find an energy healer. I write and draw some more. I laugh a little. I sing. I feel better now. Thank you.
July 15th, 2010 at 11:46 am
I think the breath connection is so important. When I get in those moments where I feel I’m going to lose it, if I can remember to turn to my breath, it really makes a difference – especially since I tend to be such a shallow breather most of the time. I will definitely incorporate the breathing sequence you shared. Thank you!
You are SUCH a beautiful gift to this world, Leonie. You will be an amazing mama to Starry b/c you have such a natural gentle, nurturing “mother/big sister” energy about you. Even when you share a love letter that you wrote to your daughter, I feel the comfort of your words, as words I wish my own mother could have said to me as a child, and they bring such incredible healing to my soul.
It takes a great deal of courage to speak so openly from your heart; thank you for setting such a beautiful example for all of us.
You so generously give of yourself to comfort, nurture and encourage all of us – I just wanted to take a moment to send boatloads of gratitude, encouragement, angel hugs and shimmering love your way! I’m so very blessed that you are in my life! Tell Starry I said that she’s a lucky little baby to have you for her mama…but my guess is she already knows that!
Much love & light, precious friend…
Kim
July 15th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
When I am lost, I always write. It doesn’t mater what I am writing on per say, but more the point that my thoughts are getting out of my head. Some of my most profound realizations about my life have been written on napkins at coffee shoppes.
My grandfather, whom I love dearly, always told me that when you write something down, It travels from your mind and heart, down your arm, out to the tips of your fingers through your pen and onto the paper… and then it’s trapped! Feelings you might never have known you had are exposed for what they truly are on that paper…. and they can’t hurt you anymore.You have a chance to see them for what they truly are, evaluate them (find hidden causes behind them, delve deeper into how they are affecting your life, etc) and find a way through them.
Another thing that helps me to feel peace is if I visualize myself in my “safe place”, or “dream place”.In my mind, I have created this ideal place for myself that I go to whenever I feel like I am out of sorts or the world is just TOO much for me. My safe place happens to look something like a Thomas Kinkade cottage painting (hehe). I can go there to think, ride my dream horse along the nearby shorline or just look out at the vast field of sunflowers next to my dream cottage…. as a warm breeze blows through my hair.The main things is to really BE there. Let yourself explore fully, creating your place as you go along.
You can visualize your safe place to be wherever you want… whatever you need at the moment. My safe place always seems to change a little. But that’s the beauty of it… it can change and it will always be just right for you.
July 15th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Dearest Leonie and everyone here,
I’m a breathe in and out kind of girl. That’s why I love yoga so much, you get into poses that place stress on the body then relax and breathe into them, it gives me the coping methods I need. I sing! I laugh! I look at my 2 gorgeous children who make me the person I am today. I write better when things are hard but I love writing in my blog and diary. My Mum, she is a Goddess and my ‘person’! Walking is so wonderful too, the endorphins released really make you feel amazing. So very important are the guidance from you Leonie, the women who share here and the strength of everyone is so inspirational! Thank you all so much!
Much love to all,
Liza xoxoxo
July 15th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
I have been blessed so far with a very happy and rich life. However it hasn’t had stressful moments. Having been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Mild Depression I learnt techniques which were part of cognitive behaviour therapy. Mainly the deep breathing helped me. I did this without having to take any medication.
However that wasn’t entirely what helped me. I was having a very tough time [ about 18 months ago] as our family was going through a tremedously hard time dealing with some horrible news and having to come to terms with something we never thought we would have to deal with. Anyway I learnt to always think about the good things in life and dream and visualise about my hopes, dreams and aspirations. I imagined my life in a little bubble of happiness [even though it wasn't]. I made a dream board with all of the hopes and dreams and I visualised it day and night. It truly started to become and feel like reality.
Most of all from this tough time I have learnt compassion is so soul comforting. I was always compassionate but now I am probably overly compassionate but I feel like so much more of a better person for it. I feel compassion for everyone, for everything. I never ever judge people ever. Every person is a blank canvas and by doing this my soul is fulfilled. I always remember that no matter where I am and what is happening someone is going through something more serious and troubling than I am. By remembering this I have more compassion and it makes my own troubles and dark place seem so much more insignificant to others which in turn helps me get through those dark times……..
July 15th, 2010 at 9:25 pm
i dont have any answers. I think if i did i wouldn’t be in my mess. off to read others comments tho.
July 15th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
I recognize so much of what everyone is saying…and Kristy, I never thought of the compassion-thing as a result from this change and growth… how enlightening.
Apart from learning breathing-techniques and meditation by a professional ( you will get so much out of it) the number one thing I never thought would be for me but turned out to be the best thing e-v-e-r: therapy!!!
Only because I thought that some of my emotions might have been stuck a little bit, and that could’ve been effecting my health, I went to a therapist and just asked her to see if there was something there. Just with a couple of sessions, everyhting was solved and I am forever grateful.
I do believe that it’s very important to find a therapist that feels right. Someone that understands who you are.
Love,
farnés
July 16th, 2010 at 1:23 am
Oh Leonie! Once again your wisdom just shines! I try the mantra “just for today (or tonight)” and just keep repeating it. I talk to Spirit, my elders, my Goddess, anyone who I worship. I ask them to gather around me. Its hard and some days I get so caught up and frazzled that I forget. I forget to breathe, I forget to do my mantra, but after the “storm” passes, I then give thanks that its done and I can carry on. I have had many dark nights of the soul and once a wise man that I used to work with told me…. just Be. So there you have it!
Blessings to all,
Dianna
July 16th, 2010 at 4:30 am
First I give myself permission to wallow in my situation for a bit LOL But then I go on to remind myself of the laws of attraction and try to find some positives to focus on.
I’ve also got a great group of friends . . . my village . . . that are always willing to listen and give advice if I ask for it.
And you know, you can never go wrong with some really good chocolate . . . or even some cheap just-ok chocolate
July 16th, 2010 at 6:36 am
thank you for the breathing numbers first of all, that really helps give it FOCUS…for mat least, i never had a baby so i did not know those tricks!
i have a very painful illness that is chronic and this will be a big help for pain relief…
but when i am lost, often over the last 2 years(finances, loss of jobs, sickness…),..i first cry and let it out, then i start to think of the smallest thing to be grateful for, and build on that, giving thanks to God and having a grateful heart, and then i can’t stop , becuase there are SO many things to be grateful for..and i have to do this daily, sometimes hourly to make it through the day…
You help me even though we have different beliefs, they have much of the same tenents and i appreciate and love you dearly! thank you for all you do for us!
July 16th, 2010 at 10:02 am
(I realized I published this on the wrong post, here it is. Feel free to delete the other one)
After yet another trying day, and the second night this week when I haven’t had one single minute of sleep, because of college work… After months of needing to put my mind at ease, and to stop everything and regain my spirit which has been put to the limit in all areas of my life… Again I come here and find another dozen of souls who help me reassure what I keep trying to remind myself.
Thank you and the Great Spirit who drove you to do this, and everyone who felt touched by that post enough to respond to it. (or simply, anyone who in their silence felt it and was somehow changed and lifted by it)
All those souls… I too have felt the power of what happened there, and I, too, was overwhelmed with love, knowing I belonged in an immense tribe of people I didn’t even know, and who are not aware of my existence either. But that we perfectly understand and love each other, and wish for nothing but to send that love out into the universe, as we all carry on with this journey.
It has been an overwhelmingly trying period of my life. And I have been noticing for a while a wave of this “strangeness” and hardness affecting us all.
At the same time it feels somehow blessed and humbling to be taking in all these lessons I clearly need to learn. And to know, anyhow, that I am being carried through it (and thrown into it) by this higher source of never-ending loving wisdom.
Something is definitely up.. spiris are being shaken, and our will to live and strive and BREATHE is being put to the test. It’s just one of those moments in the great immensity of time… When I keep discovering so many people are suddenly struggling. Still I find, with each trial that adds up to the last one, and rocks and shakes this tiny tiny row boat of mine. I find more and more strength to grab on to whatever I can in all determination, and keep moving. To know what awaits me at the end of these painful times, and an immense determination to get there.
Finding more and more strength I didn’t know existed. Even if at times, it is just the strength to breathe… and how awesomely are we doing at that huh? And everything, for that matter?
So much love, beautiful spirit(s)
July 16th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
this is such a beautifully inspired post. thank you for the breathing reminder. i never thought of counting backwards on the exhale and i deal with chronic pain. using that breathing practice just now helped ease my pain.
the book, dark night of the soul by thomas moore, has been very helpful to me as it puts words on my experiences for me. when someone can show me what i’m thinking by explaining it in words that i would use if i could find them, that helps a lot.
i find when i read your blogs, listen to your material and read the comments of the many wise men and women who post here – that i feel supported by that great soul energy that encompasses everything much like the water fish swim in as you mentioned.
you are a gift and a blessing leonie – and i am grateful our paths have crossed. wishing you and your family love, blessings and peace.
July 16th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
i did a very short version of your post back in june. leonie is so very right ~ you are surrounded by love, you are held by it, you breathe it in every moment. you are not alone.
http://mypeacetree.blogspot.com/2010/06/fill-world-with-love.html
July 17th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
I DID come here with a cupa chamomile & lavender tea with just this one thought in mind: I need to find my calm centre, I don’t feel capable of doing this on my own today, so I’ll go see who can help me. A simple thought, but one that Goddess heard and broght me to your words ~ thank you and Her. Since my ‘forest fire’, I’ve let my yoga nd breathing go…it was part of the burning down of my old life, but one that I need to find a new relationship with, because I DO know how deeply it supports healing within my body.
Peace,
WRO
July 17th, 2010 at 11:31 pm
Once again, thank you for this, Leonie. These are such powerful thoughts, sharings, and stories.