Goddess Guidebook | Live your Goddess life…

My love & I… photo by the amazing Adori Studios…

There’s a question we have been asked a little bit since we found out we had a little spark of light growing in my womb. A question I wanted to share about here.

And it’s a little question, one I don’t take offense to at all – as I have wondered about it too!

That little question:

So are you going to get married before baby comes?

And my usual response is:

*giggle* I’m not sure. We seem to like doing things our own way, and this will probably be another one of them.

And I wish, I wish, I wish, I could just say what my heart says:

All in it’s own, right, divine time. When the time is right, it will happen.

Or even:

Life and love has its own way of working it out.

Our love story.

I talk about my love quite a lot here, but I’m not sure if I’ve ever really shared how we met, or how this love story of ours began. I should do that one of these days. Maybe that could be today.

I met my love, Chris (a.k.a. Christian, a.k.a. The Hottest Man On The Planet) at exactly the age I didn’t think I would meet the love of my life, in exactly the place I never thought I would find the man who made my heart sing.

I was 18. I’d just graduated from boarding school. I went and lived in Malaysia for a couple of months on my own to celebrate, and have some time alone. I had decided that after living away from home for two years at boarding school, and being crazy-stressed-out-of-my-spirit from studying, it would be good to return home for a year just to rest, and be with my family again.

So that’s what I did after Malaysia – went back home, lived on my parent’s farm, and started working as a finance trainee at the local council there. My hometown is small – 4000 people. Add to that, both sides of my family have been there for 4+ generations. Consequently, I’m really not joking when I say I’m related to most of Proserpine. They are all cousins in some form or the other. And – no offence to my homelands – but it’s remote, in Northern Queensland, where men are (usually) more called to go pig shooting and pubbing than talk about Great Spirit and their soul’s calling.

I never thought I’d find love there. I thought I would have to travel half the globe and wait years and years and years to find the man my spirit called home.

I love how Great Spirit has its own mystery and magic for us… how, despite the stories we believe about love, it can teach us and show us that love has its own timing and place.

On my second day working at the local council, I was introduced to the computer guy. It was my second day because he’d been away the day before hand.

Natalie, my boss said:

“Oh Leonie! Here he is! This is Chris!

Chris, this is Leonie.”

And I giggled, and stumbled over my words, and turned red, and just stared. And he looked at me, with the bluest eyes in the world, and he smiled a secret smile, and turned back to Natalie, still with that smile on his face.

And I kept staring at him – at his crazy wild long brown hair, and his eyes, and his secret smile, and two thoughts ran through my head:

He is definitely, definitely not from around here. He’s not related to me! Wahoo!

and:

That would have to be the hottest man I have EVER seen walk the planet.

I didn’t call it love at first sight. I called it “my soul’s intense attraction to this man like I’ve never, ever felt before.”

I wonder if Natalie ever knew she was introducing two soulmates…

And so it was.

So began a three month long infatuation with him from afar.

He’d walk past me in hallways, and say Hello to me, with his blue eyes blazing, and his secret smile, and my belly would tumble, and my spirit would jump into my body, and I would be rendered speechless. Every time, I would shake my head and think How on earth can this one man have this effect on me? What IS this about?

And weeks passed, and I would try and convince myself that it couldn’t and wouldn’t happen. I was too young, too blush-ey, too undecided about my future. And he was older, and so very hot, and wasn’t going to be interested in me. And each time, I made that decision, within hours I would be given a sign from the universe that he was my destiny:

I’d look up to see his birthday was right next to mine on the birthday calendar – making him a Scorpio too, the only starsign I’d ever wanted to be with.

I’d be asked to fold payslips, and see his full name: a name that is the most beautiful name I have ever known. With a last name that is Dawson. I was obsessed with Dawson’s Creek during highschool, and said to my dear friend at the time: One day, I’m going to marry a Dawson.

He’d have to come work on our finance system with me – and beneath his white shirt, I saw the outline of a tattoo on his shoulder. Of a Scorpio. I was done for.

And the last time I ever needed a sign:

I rounded a corner a work, walking with a friend, deciding for the last time just to Let It Go Already. And we walked into the crowded outdoor eating area – and I looked up, and there he was. Looking straight at me. I looked straight at him. And I stopped walking for a moment. In that moment, as he said later, it was like our past, present and future all meeting together in one moment. It was a moment of such deep soul attraction and connection. Everything that was to come was there in that moment already.

I managed to start walking again, and I walked into our work kitchen. I thought:

There is no way I am leaving this town until I find out what is between us.

All the beauty and love that was to come…

Game on.

So my sweet little eighteen year old spirit decided not to leave without discovering the magical, deep, intense connection with this stranger-hottie of hers. And for that, I want to high-five her and say:

Oh my darling. I’m so glad you listened to your intuition. I’m so glad you did.

I made up my mind, and decided to make this giant ship of ours move. I started emailing him. I started breaking my computer every chance I got so that he’d have to come and fix it. I started flirting outrageously with him.

I knew that he wasn’t a man with his woman-radar on. (I later found out he’d chosen to be celibate for the six years before that – deciding he would only share his heart with the right woman when he found her). I knew I’d have to stand there, waving a billboard plastered with HEY I REALLY, REALLY LIKE YOU! before he got it. But I didn’t really care much. I knew I’d rather be embarrassed and open-hearted than leave with a “What if?”

It really felt like if we didn’t make it into love, it would be the biggest “What if?” of my life.

So I took chance after chance. I emailed him to talk about my favourite book at the time (Microserfs by Douglas Coupland – about two geeks that fall in love. Subtle, much?) We emailed about all the places we wanted to travel to. He asked me if I wanted to go to Egypt with him. We started talking over ICQ at home (Goddess bless you, ICQ).

And one night, with my little sister beside me, I got some cahones and said oh so casually “hey, i was uh thinking of cruising along to see a movie on sunday… want to cruise along with me?” (I was trying to be oh so cool). And as we waited for his typed response, we giggled, and shrieked.

And his answer came back:

Nah, that’s okay.

Holy devastated batman!

I was a crushed little spirit for 24 hours. Of course, it totally makes me giggle now. I know now that my sweet, spirited man doesn’t like going to the movies because you can’t talk and connect and share at them. But he didn’t really say that then.

I didn’t see him at work that day.

The next night though, there he was on ICQ again. And straight away, he said:

Why don’t we go to the beach on Sunday? Let’s go somewhere quiet together.

And I giggled and shrieked.

And said:

Yes.

We didn’t go to Egypt… but we did end up going to India.
And I wish I had a photo of his sexy lion mane on the computer… alas… pre-digital days!

The First Date.

That Sunday, I picked him up after mustering cattle all day on the farm. I was an hour late (my dad does not cohere to date timelines, and kept me mustering until I was screeching at him.)

I decided that I was not going to dress to impress this man – that he would have to love me as I am, or it wouldn’t be worth it. So I wore a man’s blue Bonds singlet, faded old blue jeans (my favourite). I didn’t have time to do anything but wash the dust and cow crap out of my hair, then stick my head out the car window as I drove into town for it to dry. I forgot shoes, and ended up wearing my dad’s brown sandles I found in the boot of my car.

This is me. As I am.

And I got out of the car, and there he was, looking hot. And he looked me up and down, and his secret little smile appeared. He told me later he’d seen what I was wearing and thought: That is my perfect girl.

We drove to the beach, and watched the sunset, talking on the beach together. In my pocket, I had a clear quartz pyramid. It had been my friend and companion for over a year. That night, it disappeared out of my pocket, to find its new home on the beach. It felt like its journey with me was complete now that it had led me to my love.

We watched the sunset, and as we walked back up the steps, he reached out and grabbed my hand. And I smiled.

We drove to another beach nearby, and watched the moonrise, and we shared our first kiss. And our second. And third. And many, many more.

A month later, we moved in together. Two Scorpios do.not.move.slowly.together. We dove in with our hearts and our heads and our spirits and the deep, wide sea of love between us.

It’s been eight years since that first date by the beach.

Eight Precious Years.

We’ve learned so much in these last eight years – about ourselves, about each other, and about Great Spirit. We’ve had incredibly challenging years where we’ve had to clear out all our karma and shit with each other. We’ve had years that were dreamy and love-soaked. We’ve been our very very worst and our very very best with each other. And we’ve always had the intention to grow and heal and become our best selves together. And so it is. What is our highest aim becomes our truth. The man and woman we glimpsed in each other eight years ago is alive and dancing right now. And they are still in love – with themselves, with each other.

And it’s been eight amazing years of our love journey for us. I’m so very, very glad I didn’t leave without finding out what this connection between us was. Chris is still the most beautiful man I have ever known. He is wise, deep and kind. When I don’t understand the world, I turn to him for his sage guidance. He is stunningly funny, abominably cute and the most loving, nurturing man I have ever known. He supports me to help me shine, and shines his own light his own precious way. He is my teacher and my student, my lover and my best friend. He is both my sun and moon.

Inner Marriage.

Four years ago, I chose to have an inner-marriage ceremony. I decided that before I could even consider deciding to love and honour another person for the rest of my life – I needed to choose to do that for myself, first. And so I did. Chris had questions about the ceremony (but what about me?), but once I’d answered them, he supported my decision, and created an amazing goddess feast for us to enjoy. His love and understanding that this was something I needed for me showed me there was room enough in our relationship for two kinds of love – self-love, and love for each other.

It was a precious and holy experience, both for me, and for our love together.

Last year.

Last year, our spirits called us to make a new direction in our journey. So one beautiful day in September, Chris took me home to that beach we’d first fallen in love, and we danced in the ocean where the river meets the sea, and he asked me to marry him. And sea eagles danced over our heads, and three pelicans guided us. And we cried together, knowing our journey was unfolding into even more love and beauty.

In the months afterwards, we revelled in the feelings of the honey-mooniness of engagement. Some days, I tried to think of a date for us to get married, but it felt like I was forcing it from my brain, not following the flow of my spirit.

As my love so wisely says: We’ll know when it is the right time. Our spirits will tell us.

And that is how we’ve always worked – not making decisions from our brains, and trying to force life to comply with us – instead just knowing in our spirits when to move, and allowing the right timing to sweep us along in its flow.

We had intended to wed before we made babies.

But then one sunny Sunday afternoon, we knew, with tears in our eyes, that it was time to bring a new soul through. And as we do, we follow Spirit.

I tried to push the idea of the wedding again, my brain thinking It Needed To Make It Happen. I suggested eloping in June (with our closest family members). But it was a whole lot of brain-pushing, and not much spirit-calling.

The Difference Between A Head’s Pulling & A Spirit’s Calling

Whenever I try to push with my brain to make something different from what it is, I meet with a whole lot of stuckness and pain. Things just don’t happen – unless I push a whole lot of energy into them, and end up feeling stressed and unsupported by life in the process.

So for right now, I know that the right thing for us… is to keep growing this beautiful beam of light inside me… and growing this wonderful connection between us. And I know it’s the right thing because they are what is here, right now, calling our spirits.

The ceremony of love for our two souls? That will happen too… in its own magical, mystical time. Just like love happened for us, and our story unfolded, teaching us as we go.

As my love said:

We will know when the time is right. And if that means we’ll be sharing our wedding day with our children, that will be beautiful too.

And so it is.

We became pregnant in July.

Our spirit’s calling had showed us the way.

The True Love Story

The True Love Story is not about how we met – as scrumptious and magical and heart-dancing as it is. The True Love Story is about souls who keep choosing to love each other, again and again, as new days unfold, and new parts of the journey unravel. The True Love Story is between our spirits and our selves, the woman we are, and the woman we are destined to be. The True Love Story is loving ourselves deeply, honestly, wisely and simply. The True Love Story is Great Spirit and our angels who give us just what we need. The True Love Story is having Faith, and Trust, that what is perfect for us is already happening, and already coming.

The True Love Story is happening right here, right now, for every single one of us.

My Lesson Has Been…

However love and life unfolds… it is the perfect place to be.

That I only need to trust and have faith with where I am, and all will be well.

The True Love Story is trusting in the kiss of life, of joy, of possibility, of magic… happening just in the way our souls need them too.

Love began for me in the time and place I least expected it too… and so it will continue, unfurling and blooming, showing me miracle upon miracle, just as it needs to.

So that is where my Love Story has led me…

and I won’t say The End… because it really is just the beginning…

for all of us.

All in its right, perfect timing,