Mama Thoughts
Posted by Goddess Leonie on September 23rd, 2010. Filed under: Mama Goddess.
Hola gorgeous Goddess!
Since becoming a mama, I’ve had a bazillion and one thoughts… These thoughts, they come and go but are soooo incredibly intense when you are in the middle of them, rummaging around, searching for your truth and your old normal self. They’ve taken me by surprise… by how many I have, how intense they are, and how they change from moment to moment. So much so I think in tired midnight hours… is this normal? does every mama go through this?
And the thing is, I think we do, in our own mama ways.
So I wanted to share some of those thoughts with you…
So when you are in the midst of them, you will know you have company and a goddess sister walking the path with you.
I am overwhelmed.
I can’t do this anymore.
This is pretty easy… I think I might possibly have a handle on this gig!
I AM SO HUNGRY!
Why doesn’t anyone ever say how hard this is?
This moment, only once. Breathe.
She’s only this little once. She’s only going to need me this much for this little amount of time.
Six weeks feels forever away. How will I make it?
Three months has gone sooo quickly!
How on earth am I ever supposed to do everything with one hand?
What do I do with baby when I’m home alone and need to go to the toilet and she needs me??? (I just take her with me now. So much easier!)
How does anyone survive this?
How on earth does anyone have two kids?
I wouldn’t mind another one.
I’ve decided I’m only having one kid.
I want to be an artist again!!!
I am officially a mum superhero! I can do anything!
I want to run away. Or just have someone do this for me.
As long as I get to sleep next to Starry at night. That’s my favourite part. Oh yes, and during the day when I sing to her and watch her face light up and hear her gurgling. I love that, I have to be here for that. And oh yes I like the part where I am carrying her in a sling too. I don’t want to miss out on a single thing. I don’t really want to run away, I just wish someone else could just hold her for five minutes during the day. What would I do with that five minutes?Oh, I would brush my hair! Cut my toe nails! Stare off into space! Put washing on with TWO HANDS. Two hands! A luxury!
This is hard work.
I go to sleep with Starry’s giggle playing over and over in my head like a lullaby.
I feel immensely protective over pregnant mamas and new mamas and any mama.
I get it now. I really get it.
Oh god, why is baby crying now?
Why do I have to be so responsible now?
Oh look, she just lifted her head for ten seconds!!! She is amazing!!
Oh god, why is she waking up so often? Whyyyyy?
I need chocolate.
The sight of her and her daddy melts my heart. That is love.
Oh gawd, she just fell asleep on his chest. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful in my life.
Am I doing a good enough job?
I should be doing better!
When I look in her eyes it is like looking at the dearest friend on the planet.
I wish I could make things more sacred.
Holy dinger this is hard.
Breastfeeding is the best!
Breastfeeding sucks!!!
Breastfeeding is hard work!
Thank God for breastfeeding, gosh it makes things easy.
I LOVE YOU WORLD!!!
I can’t imagine doing all this again.
I can’t imagine life without Starry.
Please no one touch me. I’m all touched out.
Oh gawd I look tired.
Things will get easier. Deep breaths.
Will I ever feel like my self again?
Free time? Ha ha ha HA HA HA!!!!! HAAAA!!!
Everything they say about motherhood is true.
I am becoming a freakin Buddha!
But this is hard work!
This moment only once.
And I can think this all in one day. One hour even.
Wherever you are, dearest… New mama, older mama, maiden, child-free, crone, grandmother… I want to open out my arms to you. Fling them open to your loveliness and your humanity. Your bravery and your vulnerability. Your strengths and your frailty. Whoever you are, however you are, I love you and am in awe of you. This life thing is big work, isn’t it? But we’re doing it. We’re doing it with our tender hearts, our imperfections, and the light that peers through all our cracks. Even at our most disheveled, wrinkled, broken, tired, we are more luminous than we ever hoped possible.
You are so welcome to add your own mama thoughts in the Comments Circle… know this place is held in safety, without judgement, in love and goddess mama support.
Can you imagine if there was a cheersquad of angels pom-poming our names? I believe there are…
|
Join 15 000 other readers + grab my FREE Goddess in 10 Minutes kit. You'll get:
 Instant Uplift! meditationInstant Calm video workshopFree weekly life + biz tips |
|
September 23rd, 2010 at 12:02 pm
I’m with you mama. I’m so totally with you.
All love to you. You are totally rocking this gig
September 23rd, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Leonie, I loved this so much I shared the link with all my mama girlfriends. It’s candid and beautiful and soulful and perfect. YES, we all have these thoughts. My kids are 8 and 3, and I had several of them this morning alone! The bad news is that you will always feel like this. The good news is you will always feel like this.
You ARE a super-mum
September 23rd, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I think I might have written almost that same exact post. You’ve got the mama thing down!
There are parts that get easier.
There are parts that get harder.
There are other parts that will just stretch your mind and heart bigger than you ever thought possible and they will come out of no where, so just hold on tight.
But.
We mamas — we are all in this together.
You are amazing!
September 23rd, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Oh, and one more thing — this IS the hardest part. When my daughter was six months old, I was convinced I could never have another child. I was just too exhausted and stressed and feeling totally inadequate. But as she grew into a preschooler I recognized how she was growing into such an independent and helpful little girl, and I knew the time was right for another child. It gets so much easier…just hang on a little longer! Sending lots of blessings and light and positive energy your way!
September 23rd, 2010 at 1:56 pm
I have thought and said all of these and more! Being a mother or a father is the most wonderful experience but it can push you to the brink at times and that is perfectly OK, somehow we get through it all. Abbey is going through the feisty independent 3 year old stage which is exhausting and sometimes I just want to curl up in the foetal position and cry, coupled with her recent diagnosis of diabetes it really throws a spanner in the works! Then she will look at me with her amazing big blue eyes and say “I love you Mumma!” and kisses me and hugs me and my heart and any feelings of being overwhelmed melt away. 5 minutes later she is bossing me around, telling her brother she is not his friend any more (he is 15 and amazing with her!) then back to cuddling up with Nate for a book and I just look at them in wonder, I made 2 incredible children and I can’t imagine life without them. When Abbey goes to bed we have a ritual of a big cuddle where I tell her about the day we’ve had, the day we’re going to have and big kisses as I lay her down and tuck her in. Then I sing Twinkle Twinkle and “Little Abbey Feeney had a fly upon her nose”, a moth on her chin, a dragonfly on her cheek, a ladybird on her forehead and finally a butterfly in her hair as I gently tickle her face, which has been our song since our daytime naps (I so miss those!!!). Her eyes get all sleepy and then we blow kisses and sweet dreams and I love you’s as I walk out and close the door. I take a deep breath and my heart is full of love, always enough to get me through whatever the next day throws at me! I think it all boils down to instinct, motherhood is primal, earthy and no 2 experiences are the same and as women we need to acknowledge that and support each other without judgement, without expectations and with honesty and respect.
Much love to all of us!
Liza xoxoxo
September 23rd, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Oh my God, I so know what you mean!
Some more of my thoughts:
This child has too many arms!
I don’t have enough arms!
She’s too clever for me.
Were her sisters as cute as her?
September 23rd, 2010 at 6:23 pm
I don’t have any children here on this plane (yet) but my hours and days are so much like this! I’ve only recently told my art therapist that I have all the feelings I can have in one day: utter depression, highest high, peace, love, calm, anger, sadness and tears, laughter… I can beat myself up one minute and totally love myself the next. It’s good for me at this stage of my life. It’s part of my growing process. 3 months feel like 3 years to me regarding to what is happening emotionally and how fast I’m growing. A friend of mine often says: “I love quantum leaps.”
Thank you for sharing from your heart! You are awesome!
September 23rd, 2010 at 8:51 pm
Oh yes, all of those.
Also:
Motherhood is giving until you feel all hollow and empty and like you have nothing left to give…and then digging deeper and giving some more.
I’ve thought that one a lot.
September 23rd, 2010 at 9:32 pm
that´s it! mama, that´s it. i could have written this post. our little one are about the same age, but i think every mama is going through this ups and downs a thousand times a day.
thank you for sharing!
much love, d.
September 23rd, 2010 at 9:48 pm
You are utterly normal and doing a magnificent job. Not only in mothering Starry, but in mothering all those other mommies out there. I will be sending several of them, including my dear daughters-in-law, links to this post to encourage them. Hang on! You will never regret this time with her; these will become the most beautiful memories you carry with you.
September 23rd, 2010 at 10:30 pm
You ROCK, as do alllll the Mamma Goddesses!!!! I too still have ALL those thoughts about being a mama and a million more every day, and my babies are big now. I never thought it was possible to LOVE this much, to want to protect these little people SO much, to worry SO much…. for me I love them so much it hurts sometimes and I worry I love them too much???? How bizarre is that. But they are challenging too. Ooo yeah. Most mornings my baby (7yo) comes into my bed for a cuddle and says “you’re the best mummy in the whole world” and I cuddle him all up. Which keeps me going through some other PRETTY trying times!!!! Its an A-MAZE-ING journey. And you are all A-MAZE-ING mammas. Man how much do I soooo wish you were all around when my babies were babies!!!!
September 23rd, 2010 at 11:06 pm
Being a mama is a great journey. Those GREAT moments (and not-so-great moments) make the journey one of growth, fun, tears, but always memorable. I was both mom and dad to my little one (who is now 22!) The trail we traveled has made us close and each other’s biggest fan. Some times the guilts would show up because my fears of not doing everything I thought was necessary to be a mom weren’t done (for whatever reason). My daughter has reminded me that I was June Cleaver — I was her mom and I was just right
September 24th, 2010 at 12:25 am
My baby is now 12 and I’m walking that tightrope of fear and hope that I’m doing the right things to guide him through his teen years. Yet deep down I know that we will make it through the other side. It’s just the 2 of us and we are very close, along with my wonderful folks. And, if nothing else, I know that he is the most amazing, wonderful creature and I love every minute of this journey we are on together!
September 24th, 2010 at 2:25 am
Surely I must have done something/not done something that caused my son’s speech delay.
Maybe if I talked to him more/talked to him less/ made more effort to get him around other kids he’d be talking well right now
Maybe if I had focused more on him instead of going to college online/sent him to daycare while I went to college he’d be talking like a ‘normal’ kid his age…
And on and on and on the Mama Monkey Mind goes where it stops nobody knows…but I love this path that I am on with him and this journey is amazing…every minute no matter how awesome or gruesome…I am filled with more wonder and gratitude than I ever thought I could hold.
September 24th, 2010 at 2:32 am
Oh I’m SO with ya. I’ve experienced and still experience every one of those thoughts! Each moment! hee.
You are a wonderful mama, miss Lioness!
September 24th, 2010 at 3:17 am
Woman/Mama after my own heart. I have walked through this 4 times over and all too quickly my babies have stood up, waddled their first triumphant, unsure steps away from my outstretched arms … and grown into these lanky beings that can form intelligent sentences. How I long for the days when I could cuddle them without a “Mo-om! You’re embarrassing!”.
But every now and again, these children of mine turn a kind eye to their mama and say the most beautiful things. When I went through cancer treatments, they prayed for me. When the worst was over, my eldest did a cancer walk in memory of those times – without being asked. When life becomes overwhelming and the challenges seem dark, it’s always mama that has open arms and lap to reassure and comfort. I LOVE, adore, cherish and revel in my motherhood.
… but I do think four is enough.
Maybe.
September 24th, 2010 at 11:08 am
so true, so true!!! This is a wonderful post!!! x
September 24th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Oh Goodness is this the truest writing on mamahoood!!!! The most wonderful blissed out enchanting, awe inspiring experience and at the same time so very very exhausting, requiring every once of strength you have + all the strength that you didn’t even know you had. And then they just keep getting cuter. Mine’s almost 2. I’m so glad for all of the moments I sucked it up surrendered and enjoyed holding her. Now Im chasing her, and delighting with her and watching her dance. Its just all so glorious!
September 24th, 2010 at 9:24 pm
So beautifully written and so very true – as if you have written my very thoughts. We mothers are amazing!
September 24th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
I love everything you write but today I had the strongest desire to reach through the screen and hug you! I am so there sistah mumma! How do you always know the right thing to share? Love you xxxx
September 25th, 2010 at 5:26 am
I´m with you, i´m with you in so many of your feelings…
Thank you dearest sister, thanks for showing your beautiful self so we can connect as goddess sisters all over the world.
Blessings.