Letting go of a world (#Reverb10)
Posted by Goddess Leonie on December 6th, 2010. Filed under: Mama Goddess.
Hola gorgeous Goddess!
This year, I’m participating in Reverb10. I’m also one of the contributing authors for it. Reverb10 is a writing project for each day of December & reflects on 2010 & manifests for 2011.
December 5 – Let Go.
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
(Author: Alice Bradley)
I was hesitant to write this one.
Hesitant because I feel like I’ve said it all before.
I don’t want to be one of those people that keeps talking about those things.
Those things they are yet to resolve.
I want to say it once and be done with it, danggit!
But the words, oh, they are so full inside me, they need to spill.
So, I must trust them. I must be okay with this. I must keep turning up, and letting them come out. Seeing what swells up to be seen.
Letting go.
Oh, my dear.
I lost the world I knew in 2010.
Life where I tended only to my own needs. My much loved cubicle job. My home. My city. How my relationship was. My lifestyle.
It ebbed away from me.
Don’t get me wrong though. I did let it go.
Letting go of a whole world.
In order to embrace a new one.
My hands had been full. I had to drop so many of those things I held tightly…
so that I could have the space to hold my child.
And I’m still coming to terms with it. Still grieving. Still sorting. Still integrating. Still healing. Still finding my way.
But I look at my dearest daughter, and I think:
There is no other child I could have had.
There is no other way this could have happened.
I could not have traversed this life without dropping it all to find her.
And I would let it all go again just to know her again.
Mama to one exquisite soul and teacher extraordinaire,
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December 7th, 2010 at 2:36 am
Leonie
I know EXACTLY what you mean here.
My kids are much older than your beautiful Ostara, mine are young adults but it does feel almost like a bereavement when you leave your ‘old’ life behind and the ‘new’ one, the child one comes along. You can’t do the impulsive things you used to do, you have to think of another before yourself, you have to love and care for her and priorities change.
However, my kids are older, I’m coming to the time, menopause!, when I can start thinking about getting MY life back. It is a long time since it was MINE and mine alone but it’s coming, creeping up on me, it’s around the corner, it’s almost here lol.
You will move along to the next phase, the joy and wonder you will feel at seeing Ostara grow and develop, look how much she’s changed already in such a short space of time.
Enjoy everything whilst you can, it goes so quickly, in the blink of an eye.
With love and blessings. xx
December 7th, 2010 at 2:46 am
I really appreciate your honesty, Leonie. You and your daughter are precious beings.
December 7th, 2010 at 8:15 am
What a beautiful post! I love how you put this grieving process into words. Letting go of your old life (pre-baby) is something that I think most women don’t talk about … it’s almost taboo. Like you’re not supposed to miss the things that used to define your every day, the things that you did just for you. But you can, and you will, and it’s ok, and you’ll still love your baby and go on to do great things. They’ll just be new things.
December 7th, 2010 at 8:19 am
Beautiful post. I could also find myself back in some of the things you said.