Five Things
Posted by Goddess Leonie on February 23rd, 2010. Filed under: Joyful Goddess Life, Mama Goddess.
1. It is 5am. Little Mermaid has woken me up with big mermaid kicks, and an insatiable need for Corn Flakes. So here I am, mug of mama-goddess-belly tea in hand, writing to all my loved ones. I will go back to bed once the sun rises and see if I can nap some more.
2. My love’s grandmother passed away on the weekend. As a new generation prepares to enter the world, an elder generation passes.
I give thanks to Great Spirit.
Thank you, Chris’ grandmama… for helping bring my love into the world. He is the greatest blessing in my life, and the most beautiful man I have ever known.
Tomorrow, we drive down to Victoria for a gathering of his family and tribe. Things feel very big and profound all at once.
3. My love says:
I am seeing the beginning of life and the end of life all at once.
Our days are filled with birthing workshops, and midwives and doulas. And since Little Mermaid turned breech, acupuncturists and moxa sticks and walking and baths and breech tilts and hypnosis meditations.
Yesterday, I felt a shift. I went to see a midwife to see if Little Mermaid was swimming back down into the ocean depths again. The midwife was sweet, but thought she was still breech. I walked out saying to my love “It’s okay if I am wrong… but I really don’t think she is right.” Later that day, we went back, and I got two older, more experienced midwives to check… and I was right.
4. Everyday, I am witnessing and learning some of the strongest medicine I have ever known.
Medicine of trust, faith, courage and inner wisdom.
Medicine of bringing everything I’ve ever believed in – joy, optimism, possibility, and the idea I can do anything – into reality.
Thank you Great Spirit. For all the big, and the hard, the good and the true.
Everytime I lose my faith, I find it again, and it has tripled.
Pregnancy has been one of the most difficult and challenging experiences of my life. From awful morning sickness to losing faith and courage to massive soul transformations to weird-crazy-crap happening.
And I’ve come to realise… maybe this is gifting me strength and courage… maybe this is who I need to grow into to become Little Mermaid’s mama. Maybe this is who I need to be, and maybe this is how it needed to happen. For me, for Little Mermaid, for this world.
5. The sun is slowly rising.
It is time to return back to bed.
*
From my heart to yours… I want you to know… that even if your days are filled with clarity, lack of clarity, beginnings, endings, loss, faith, no-faith, balance, excess, loneliness, love… and all the things in between…
that everything is good, everything is true.
that you are loved, that you are held.
that everything will work out okay, even if you can’t see that right now.
that for a big, deep reason, you need to be where you are right now – even when that place feels awful. And that where you are right now will give you choices and options and possibilities. And at the end of the day? You will get to a place that is bigger, deeper and more beautiful than you can ever imagine right now. This medicine is guiding you forth, healing you whole, and teaching you how to become even more of the divine, wise, courageous, loving, bright-shining you.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
I believe in you, and I believe in everything around you.
You are becoming who you need to be…
February 23rd, 2010 at 6:01 am
Big sigh. Reading this brought me to tears and I’m not quite sure why. I think your faith and courage (though it may have faultered for you at times) is so inspiring and I wish I could follow your example and learn from the not-so-positive experiences, thoughts, feelings, and grow. Grow. That’s been a big word for me lately. It’s what I’m trying to do but having little luck at… But reading what you have to say and knowing that you believe in every single one of us makes it happen, makes a leaf sprout or a flower bud begin to open. And I thank you for your sweet, inspiring, beautiful words and spirit.
I wish I could put your wisdom into a book and carry it around with me everywhere I go.
Take care of yourself. You are gorgeous.
February 23rd, 2010 at 6:35 am
This is beautiful Leonie. I have spent most of the morning looking over your archived blogs beginning with January 2009. So far I have made it thru April. Your wisdom and faith in your journey is wonderfully inspired. I love that you share your triumphs as well as your tragedies…you are a fearless joyful goddess. Most of all, I love how you have affected my life with your deep medicine and encouragements. I have no doubt that the path you are on is deeply sacred and needed in this world and all of us who have gravitated to you are learning deep lessons. I have no doubt that your path to motherhood is unfolding perfectly and I can’t wait to watch you grow as a mamma goddess.
Much Love,
Goddess Laura
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:08 am
Thanks so much for this Leonie. I too want to go through your archives and read your journey’s story from the beginning.
xo
Jill
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:33 am
Lovely post Leonie. Sorry to hear about the loss of your love’s grandmother, and glad to hear that your small one is getting ready to come out hopefully with great ease.
I’ve been enjoying reading your posts lately since I am also pregnant (due end of May) so there’s a lot to resonate with. That poignant sense of life cycles and paradox that you describe is at the heart of my sense of spirituality. You capture it well.
February 23rd, 2010 at 8:01 am
a new blog follower… my little guy spent most of his time in utero in a very uncomfortable transverse position. then he was resolute in hanging out breech until about week 36 – no moxa or external versions… i just spent a lot of my pregnancy hanging out in downward dog and, for a bit of excitement, in a plank pose with very elevated feet!
February 23rd, 2010 at 10:17 am
You will never know how your last words spoke to me. This is exactly the wisdom I needed in this moment.
Thank you!
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:36 am
This brought me to tears, it is so beautiful, and that photo of your beautiful pregnant self is stunning! So glad little mermaid turned for you!
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:03 pm
I needed to hear that I am in the place I need to be right now. I feel stuck and lost. I’m not scared about having this baby, but just dont know what I am supposed to do until May. I’m so uncertain about the future and I am having a hard time trusting the journey. Thank you.
February 23rd, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Just couldn’t sleep and find myself wandering the internet and here you are and here I am in tears of gratitude at the wisdom of your words. I love how in tune you are with your Little Mermaid and I love that you are learning and sharing this big medicine. And I love the tech that has brought you into my life with just the right words that my sould needs to hear. Thank you for being Leonie walking the Leonie path.
February 23rd, 2010 at 2:25 pm
That is an absolutely gorgeous photo of you and lil’ mermaid (and I love that your dog is in the background peeking out the window). All I can say is that lil’ mermaid is one lucky kid to have parents like you two.
February 23rd, 2010 at 2:37 pm
Dearest Leonie and Chris, my heart and my love goes out to you. My Nan died while I was pregnant with Abbey. I faced my fear of public speaking to talk about her at her funeral, to speak of my gratefulness to her for fostering my Mum, for being a wonderful mother to my Mum, for loving my Mum so that she could be such an amazing Mum to me and her legacy shone on in her Great Grandchildren, because if she hadn’t taken my Mum in and given her the life and love she deserved our lives may have been very different. I have learned from the wise women in my life, my mother, my paternal grandmother and my maternal adopted grandmother. Now I pass that legacy on to my son and my daughter and know that whenever I feel like parts of my life fall spectacularly apart the one thing I know I am, without any doubt whatsoever, is a brilliant mother. You are too, I don’t doubt that for one second and from my heart to yours I love you too, you have become one of my sacred wise women. It’s such a privilege to have been able to see you open your heart and soul and grow into the Mama Goddess that you are, that you always have been, and always will be. Thank you!
All my love,
Liza xoxoxo
February 24th, 2010 at 12:18 am
I’m sorry for your loss. You are so right about what you see and feel. You are teaching me so so much… Thank you, I am so grateful…
February 24th, 2010 at 1:52 am
That is the most beautiful picture!!! You look like an angel.
February 24th, 2010 at 3:56 am
Wow, Leonie. You’ve brought me to tears as well with your wisdom and eloquence. I do believe you will be the most excellent Mother Goddess for your little one. Love to you and your family.
February 24th, 2010 at 5:01 am
oh leonie, thankyou so much for your encouragement and words of wisdom, i lways need to be reminded of them…… thankyou so much for writing your blog
))))) I cant thankyou enough for this online space, i hope you know that, dont ever stop!!!! 
)) xx
February 24th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
As I look at you in that picture, your expression actually keeps morphing in front of my eyes. At times it seems you have a slight smile, then you seem very serious. Innocence and watery, crystalline purity and then an overwhelming strength and confidence.
A sense of receiving what is, of just being, and also of protection.
All those different forces are really visible in this single picture.
Calm but oh so aware… and so (quite literally) full of life.
I know these are changes you might not be able to quite grasp as you swim in them right now. But just as you have experienced, a higher wisdom is always at work – around you, within you, and through you…
Much love to you and your family
February 24th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Much love & blessings to you beautiful girl – what a wise, deep special soul you are Leonie, radiating your love & light out into a world that so needs it. Bless you.
February 25th, 2010 at 3:04 am
thank you. i needed to be reminded of the “deep reason” and the “choice” at this moment. i’ll anchor myself in that today.
February 25th, 2010 at 4:39 am
♥ Sending you Love Wise Mama-every-moment-of-the-making ♥
February 26th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
First, condolences for the elder generation’s passing and good wishes for your little mermaid of the future.
What you wrote was exactly what I needed on the very difficult day that has been today. Thank you so much for the reminder that it is all good, true, and happening the way it is supposed to, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. And thank you especially for the reminder that I am loved, which can be so easy to forget in troubled times, but the rediscovery of which is so powerful and healing.