Creating a Spirited Love Relationship
Posted by Goddess Leonie on May 10th, 2010. Filed under: Joyful Goddess Life.
Love Love Love :: Adori Studios
Hola gorgeous Goddesses,
For the last nine years, I’ve been blessed to have been in love with the most amazing, wise and hot man I’ve ever clapped eyes on. Nine years on, we are in bigger & deeper love than ever.
I’m by no means a relationship expert. These are just my notes of what works for me, and our journey of creating spirited love together.
Every goddess’ journey is different, and every love relationship is as different as the colours in the rainbow. Every path and every relationship has its own destiny, its own reason for being and its own medicine and lessons to learn along the way.
The lessons I needed to learn in spirited love? They might not be the same as yours. They may be totally the opposite.
But here’s my mottos & thoughts on how we’ve created our spirited love together.
1. Choose someone who rocks your socks off.
I totally believe it starts with this. With single friends, I listen to see if I can hear that tone in their voice… the little way their voice lilts breathlessly because their little cotton socks have officially been rocked off with. And I don’t mean that in a “wow they are so HOT” kind of way. More of a glistening wonder… like this person may just be the most beautiful soul they’ve ever met.
That’s when I know something big is going on.
All I know is: When I first met Chris, I became sock-less. Just in meeting him. And nine years later, I am still sock-less, because he keeps on rocking them off.
He surprises me with his beauty, wisdom, rarity and his soul.
And I want everyone to know what that feels like… to be sock-less.
So that’s my main advice: Wait for the one who rocks your socks off.
2. Be okay with each other being human.
My love might make me ridiculously sock-less, but he’s human too. Just like I am.
And we have our arguments. We have our buttons, our personalities, our opinions, our fears, our things to heal.
We’re not always our highest selves, but we aim for it.
And we love each other even when we are human, in pain, lost and cranky.
It’s okay to not have perfection.
3. Grow, Grow, Grow
Be dedicated together to change for the better.
Ask yourself and each other to be your highest selves.
Call each other on your stuff – with as much kindness and clarity as you can muster. Sometimes you won’t be that kind.
But both have a belief and a commitment – in yourselves, and each other – that you can change, and grow into the most beautiful, loving and wise parts of yourself.
4. Be okay with having to save yourself.
That’s your job.
Your partner isn’t supposed to be the one who is perfect, has it all together, and knows the perfect words at the perfect time to make you all better.
They are not supposed to be the Knight In Shining Armour On A White Horse.
You aren’t a Maiden in Distress.
You are two souls who find each other, and love each other, and work it out as you go along.
5. Don’t be the bickering couple. Be the couple who are always told to get a room.
You can bicker and negative-tease if you want… and be all passive-aggressive critical of them in front of other people…
but it’s way more fun just to unconditionally adore each other.
And that might sound like a completely stupid thing to say – like derrrrr isn’t what relationships are about? All love and stuff?
But sometimes we get stuck in negative patterns, and act out in ways that are pretty unconscious.
Just watch how you are, and witness what you’d like to change.
6. Save the arguments for the right battles.
That might sound like a contradiction – to not bicker, but be prepared to argue.
Be prepared to speak your truth.
Be prepared to ask for what you want and need.
Compromise only when it doesn’t compromise your soul.
Do not cover up what your spirit wants and needs in order to not cause an argument.
7. Don’t speak negatively about your spouse.
My caveats for this are:
- unless it’s for a really ding dang good reason
- unless it’s something that is a deal-breaker for you
- unless it’s something you will also communicate and heal with your love.
Otherwise, you just end up whining about little things that annoy you, and you’ll feel annoyed. And there’s no point to that kind of stuff.
Unless it’s something that is truly shitting you, and that you are going to communicate and work out with your partner… just stop talking about annoying-spouse stuff.
It’s way more fun to wax lyrical about how hot they look when their eyes crinkle up around the edges, how they’ve given you your fill of eye candy for lunch, or how utterly lovely their soul is…
My favourite relationship advice is from Gay Hendriks:
Make sure that for every one critical or negative thing you say in your relationship, you have said five positive and loving things.
8. Allow each other’s personal ideology.
Over the years of being together, both Chris & I’s ideologies have changed. Or – to be more specific – we’ve always believed in the same thing, we’ve just used different systems along the way to experience and understand spirit more.
Whatever we have wanted to explore spiritually – we’ve given each other the space and acceptance to explore it.
We walk our separate paths, and when we look over at each other, it’s always such a joy to discover that he’s right there beside me anyway.
9. Know what is your responsibility and what is theirs.
Stay in your own energy.
Don’t be trying to make them feel better all the time – that’s their job.
By all means – love them – but stop trying to rescue them from themselves.
Let them make their own choices. Let them choose their own moods.
Ask for what you want and need. Communicate what you’d love to give them.
But it’s not your job to be trying to know how they feel all the time – and make them feel better.
You are not their mother. You are their partner.
Your job is to stay in your own energy and make yourself feel better.
And you still get to be loving… but you will be giving that love from your own centre, and your own energy.
Love & More
We all have had such big, deep, gifted journeys along the Love Path…
what lessons and medicine have you learned along yours?
I heart you as healthily as I can,
The Creative Goddess e-course begins on May 30…
will you join me?
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May 10th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
I’ve been feeling down today on my second wedding anniversary… I really needed to read this today. Thank you. Love you lots! xoxoxoxoxo
May 10th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
I didn’t know it, but this post was what I was looking for when I came to the computer today. Thank you.
I get stuck on this bit:
“Ask for what you want and need. Communicate what you’d love to give them.”
May 10th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Never take it for granted. It was my soulmate’s birthday on Saturday, he would have been 39, I lost him at 21, in a split second, half of my life disappeared. He was such a beautiful, wise and intelligent soul and he made me laugh every day for 3 amazing years. Never let a day go by where you don’t tell your beloved or your children that you love them and whenever you can laugh together, it’s so underated as a type of bonding.
I’m going to be 40 in September and if I could have my perfect wish it would be to love and be loved like that again.
Liza xo
May 10th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Thank you! I learned so much right now that rings true with me!
May 10th, 2010 at 8:53 pm
This has touched my heart right where it needs soothing today. That, and copying out my favourite paragraphs from Eat, Pray, Love. This post will be going on today’s list of ten things I am grateful for
All my love for your journey together – I adore the photo!
Reba x
May 10th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
Thank you for reminding me of the beauty and depth that exists only in the truest of loves. Much needed!
May 10th, 2010 at 10:51 pm
Leonie, I love this advice.
Sometimes we forget that one of the best ways to strengthen and improve a relationship is to strengthen and improve ourselves.
Thank you for this lovely reminder of what good relationships truly are (and what we have the responsibility to do for ourselves).
xo
May 10th, 2010 at 11:33 pm
Beautiful wisdom with playfulness. I really enjoyed this post.
May 10th, 2010 at 11:37 pm
Thank you for these reminders! x
May 11th, 2010 at 1:42 am
Goddess Leonie, this is pure and perfect, beautifully shared! Thank you … I will note this post for my other lovely friends to enjoy too
hugs, Jenn
May 11th, 2010 at 3:54 am
Yes! MAKE LOVE! I This is a perfect goddess circle topic. As young girls we are cultural programmed with Myth #4 – Maiden in distress sindrome (and others). Happily ever after only happens if you´re willing to MAKE LOVE everyday. Marrying-saving-loving yourself first and always, frees up life for a delightfully human relationship.
May 11th, 2010 at 5:58 am
Mannnnnn…I wish I had been as smart and wise as you are when I was in my 20′s! Wonderful post – thank you.
May 11th, 2010 at 6:16 am
thank you for this beautiful advice! i am taking it to heart and will put it into action… immediately!
May 12th, 2010 at 2:18 am
It is a wise and beautiful and timely piece. We all need to be reminded of the wisdom of patience and grace and acceptance and deep soul-love in our partnerships. It’s very easy to criticize – and challenging to stay positive. But when we commit to doing that, it gets easier.
Steve and I will celebrate 19 years of marriage and 23 1/2 years of being a couple this June. Everything you said fits in to what has helped us survive and thrive all these years. Thanks for reminding us to press on and to press in even closer.
PS. We both laugh when the kids roll their eyes and tell us to go to our room when we get too cuddly in the family room. So I guess there’s still a little heat…
May 12th, 2010 at 3:19 am
thank you, Goddess Leonie, and other wonderful Goddesses in the circle, for sharing your thoughts about this. I am married to an incredible indigo child (indigochild.com for explanation of this term) and i love him so dearly and completely. One thing I struggle with though, is how people can often judge him harshly and not take the chance to get to know him (which, admittedly, isn’t super easy). I sometimes have trouble balancing when to advocate for him and when to just let people have their opinions.Do any other women out there have experiences with this dilemma?
May 12th, 2010 at 3:46 am
[...] 11, 2010 by ladybugfamily i read some beautiful advice on the goddess’s blog yesterday and thought i would share my take on [...]
May 12th, 2010 at 7:42 am
Oh WOW! i am so glad i found you! i married my best friend too, and this was so fun to read, sometimes we feel so sad that we are the only ones married and still in LIKE with eachother….the fluffies-lovies come and go in waves, but we are always best friends, through crankiness and not..just to add a bit, when we got married a friend told us that the key to a happy marriage is to always be sure the OTHER persons cup was full, then you would both always be satisfied..focus on the other and i find it true in friendships as well.
I will be back here to read more, thank you again! love to you all
Kimi
June 23rd, 2010 at 11:51 am
Very well said!
July 14th, 2010 at 5:53 pm
“Whatever we have wanted to explore spiritually – we’ve given each other the space and acceptance to explore it.
We walk our separate paths, and when we look over at each other, it’s always such a joy to discover that he’s right there beside me anyway.”
Bam, right there. So, so very important. And what wonderfulness that you are be able to say that last bit
(not that anything else would be expected by looking at you both)
You are a beautiful couple, full of lessons to teach everyone.
Thank you for this
July 14th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
‘that you ARE BE able to say that last bit’ – hello typos! although… it could be interesting if I had wrote ‘what you are, be’