Celebration of three months pregnacious
Posted by Goddess Leonie on September 23rd, 2009. Filed under: Mama Goddess.
Dearest one,
Three months ago, there was a tiny burst of light, and you came into this world, our lives, our hearts and my womb.
So small was the tiny dance of light that I didn’t see it. You slipped into this world with such clear, pure energy that I didn’t feel you. I was dreaming about moving back home to our heartlands, and wondering what next to create.
Your daddy knew though. His guides told him you had come, and he held this little soft knowing in the smile crinkles by his eyes, and the slight upturn of his mouth, and the glow of his blue eyes. You too will come to know and love these little signs he does.
It took me until five weeks to know you were here. After some encouraging from your papa, we bought our first home pregnancy test. You appeared in an instant on it, and tears sprung into my eyes. My first thought was:
They are here. My child has finally come for me.
You see, I’ve known about you for ten years or more now. I’ve felt your sweet presence by my side often, and I glow inside knowing about the child that was to come through me. You’ve always been a part of my life, and my heart, for as long as I can remember.
And now you are here, my darling.
I want you to know that you are my teacher already. That you are already a gift in our lives. That no matter what, you are loved and adored just as you are.
I want you to know that from the moment we knew of you, you have been embraced into this big, beautiful family of ours.
Your grandmama was the first one to know about you. I called her in tears, and she was driving her car. She pulled over, and I cried “Mama… what do I do?”
And she said “Sweetie? What’s happening? Are you pregnant?”
“No, Mama.”
“What is it then?”
“Well I took a pregnancy test, and it said yes. What do I do?”
And she sighed happily, and she laughed, and she cried, and she said:
“Well darling, that means you are pregnant.”
“What do I do from here? What do you do when you are pregnant???”
This pregnancy thing, now it was finally here, was a land I’d never been in before, and I was so worried that I didn’t know how to journey into it.
“Well sweetie… you don’t need to do anything right now. Just enjoy it.”
And she cried happy tears some more, and so did I.
Then I told your grandaddy about it, and he – the big, wild bushman he is – who loves grandchildren like they are the jewels of the earth and sky – he couldn’t talk for a few days.
Then your daddy told his ma and pa about you.
And so on, and on, the ripples of the news of you kept going, moving with love into the world.
I want you to know that the first trimester of pregnancy can be a huge, big journey. I was so sick that I would often call your grandmama or my sweet friend Sone in tears. Life was like being on a very ocean-swept boat for a while. I spent so much time being still, staring at my hands, lying on the sun lounge outside inhaling breaths of air. Maybe I needed this enforced cave-time of solitude to give you some space and stillness to make your home inside me. I became like an instinctive wolf, nose quivering, entirely intune with and living inside my body. My body became my world. And inside my world, a nest for you was made.
I want you to know that it’s okay if your courage ever leaves you. You will be surrounded by people who know you, and love you, and believe in you… who will sit with you until your courage returns.
In the last eight weeks, I have learned again and again about having Faith and Trust. I accepted that this pregnancy might end with you being born in this world, and that it might also be a “just popping in to say hello and see you soon!” pregnancy. I had Faith that either journey was perfect, and that whatever we were given was needed, and the right thing for us.
Lately I’ve been learning even more that Faith is knowing that everything will be okay no matter what happens. I have Faith that Great Spirit is around us, loving us and helping us. I have Faith that we will be given what we need when we need it.
Faith, inexplicably, has grown from a seedling in my life into a large, strong oak with thick, delicious bark and wide green leaves. It has become a shelter for me, and a trunk to hold to when the winds of change swill around me.
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay, everything will be okay.
And most of all, I want you to know that as you have been my teacher, I will endeavour, with your daddy, and our tribe, to be the best teacher, guide and nurturer of you that you need. I promise that we will love you for your gifts, and your lessons. I promise that we will embrace and celebrate the beauty and soul you are born with. I promise that we will do our ding-dang-darndest to help you remember just how loved, cherished and divine you are. Just as you are, right now.
I love you with everything.
Happy three months, my darling.
love,
Mama
P.S. Goddess School begins on Monday ~ check out the goddess e-courses on offer this term!
And let me know if you have any questions, dearheart… I’m here to help!
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:58 am
well, i am weeping! what a lovely, heartfelt letter of love to your little one. thank you, leonie, for constantly reminding me to be present in and thankful for the moment!!
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:07 am
Leonie, this is absolutely beautiful and tender. Lots of hugs to you and to that gorgeous belly that´s nurturing so lovely your baby.
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:14 am
You look simply radiant, Leonie. Your little one is going to come into this world so loved.
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:01 am
One of the most beautiful things I have read in a long, long time.
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:04 am
this is soooooo beautiful leonie i want to cry!!!
This is such a happy time for you…your going to be the best mother ever, you really will! your baby chose well xxx
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:06 am
Bless you, sweet, beautiful Mama Goddess. I am so happy to have found you and your wonderful words, beautiful soul and amazing outlook on life. Your little one is already so blessed to have you in their life xx
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:15 am
I wish every baby in the world had this kind of love surrounding them. What a place this would be!
My best friend had her baby last night, and I met him this morning. I thought of you as I held him close to my heart. (:
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:53 am
beautiful beautiful Leonie and Chris… the love your baby is wrapped in (with the turquoise blanket) is soo magic
Your words are so calming, Love love love XXX xx Carole
September 23rd, 2009 at 8:27 am
Ah the tears of joy! Such a sweet time to finally pop back into your magical mystical world. Congratulations lovey! Much love to you and your growing family.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:10 am
Oh that touched my heart. Your little one is so blessed to have you and Chris and extended families with all that LOVE! Not everyone gets that, you know.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:32 am
thank you for sharing this here. yes. your little wee one is so very blessed…yes.
sending much love…
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:38 am
you are beautiful
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:56 am
Aww, so lovely. Both you, your tummy (and wee one) and your writing.
Nothing but love from all of us.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:16 am
Beautiful mama, thank you so much for sharing this.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:29 am
This is so beautiful, it made me cry a little. Congratulations! You are a beautiful Mama.
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Congratulations, Leonie! I love how you shared your story here along with your tummy pics! Thank you!
-Briana
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Thank you for being in this world.
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Congratulations! I thought I’d share something with you I’ve had in my purse since we found out:
My eye cannot see you
My will cannot control you
but I feel your presence,
and I note your being
and I wish you all blessings
and I love you.
I can’t remember where I found it, but I think it’s from a jewish prayer for new mothers.
That’s you!
September 24th, 2009 at 8:56 am
bless you beautiful women…
thank you for circling with me…
i adore you all, and am so grateful for your presence…
and that this little spark of light gets to be celebrated by so many
xoxoxoxo
September 24th, 2009 at 10:27 am
If you have a daughter, she will look so beautiful, Chris will have to get a shotgun. He’ll get a gold tooth, it will glisten as he grins at your daughter’s potential paramour. Chris will stare at him and say in an American Redneck drawl, “You’s gonna have mah baby girl home at nahn o’clock shaaaap, raht?” (Translate: You’re going to have my baby girl at 9:00 sharp, right?”) Chris cocks the gun.
The scared boy will say very calmly, “Y-y-y-y-yes-s-s-s-s, S-s-s-s-sir!”
“And you won’t be pullin’ any funny stuff on huh?”
The scared boy shakes his head. He swallows hard.
You come down the stairs and say, “Chris! Stop that! They’re only five! It’s a play date with cookies, milk and sippy cups filled with Hawaiian Punch!”
September 25th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Oh, wow. This was so beautiful it had me in tears.
Congratulations…
September 25th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
All in all, Leonie, you will be a great mother! Chris will be a great dad, and something tells me when you have more kids, you’ll be a great family as well. May you BOTH be blessed with many children!
You are really giving some positive feelings toward this kid. I wish YOU were giving birth to me!
October 2nd, 2009 at 7:53 pm
I too congratulate you. That three month mark must be special.
I just found your website and am very intrigued by your voice. I’ve been reading a lot, soaking it up…
I’ve been thinking a lot about your “hello-and -see-you-soon-pregnancy” view. I can’t help but just ask you. I feel the need to understand, it seems a gentle way to look at it… nut I can’t seem to wrap my head around it completely.
stars and kisses,
farnés
October 8th, 2009 at 9:07 am
This is one of the most adorable things I have ever read.
That is going to be one fortunate child to have you as a mom!!!
October 8th, 2009 at 9:19 am
There is a song you might like. It’s by the late Laura Nyro. It’s off of her “Mother’s Spiritual” album.
It starts off:
It’s called “What is Life?”
“Tiny Child/You’re a miracle to me/A miracle in you you’ll always be…”
The album is out of print, unfortunately.
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:59 am
[...] We celebrated three months of being pregnant. [...]