Birthing Choices
Posted by Goddess Leonie on October 15th, 2009. Filed under: Mama Goddess.
Hola gorgeous Goddesses,
I just finished watching “The Business of Being Born” documentary with my darling man, my little belly bump, and our two sweet puppies curled up in our arms.
It’s a movie I’ve heard other women recommend, share about & talk about as being a changeling experience during their pregnancy – including the lovely Penelope & surprisingly, Dooce – so I knew it would be a good one.
It’s a movie that explores what happens in the US for a woman giving birth in a hospital. And to be honest, I’m really not sure just how much better Australia does in its hospital mindset either. It talks about why there is a high rate of caesareans and uber-high rate of the use of chemicals during the birthing process. It also documents the process of home birthing with a trained midwife – and why the statistics of mother and child mortality can be just as good than in a hospital.
Why oh why do we not know that we’ve got CHOICES in birthing?
I didn’t. But I do now. And while I haven’t given birth yet, I do want to share about the choices I know about… so you know too that you can make choices that are right and beautiful and work for you, and your sweet family.
Some caveats first…
Because mamahood is a sensitive subject.
This is not a post to judge any goddess on her birth choices. Every choice is sacred, perfect and her own… and I totally trust that we make the right ones for us.
I wrote this post with the intention to help any goddesses who didn’t know there were any choices available that there was, so they can choose from a smorgasboard of care possibilities.
If your choice is a hospital birth that is totally beautiful too!
And that of course we can all have our birth plans, but our babies have our own journey to make into the world… that just as in life, we can make our plans, but the journey will take us in whatever direction it needs to.
And that any birth is a good birth… it’s all just a miracle and a blessing.
So those are my caveats…
from the Goddess in me, to the Goddess in you – I honour you.
Choices are a wonderful, wonderful thing.
I grew up in thinking that all births happened in hospitals with doctors too, and that, plainly – that was the only way to go about it. My mum had five children, all in hospital, with no birth partner support (Dad being in the waiting room). I think at least three were induced (before they worked out she has a 42 week gestation period instead of 40). My eldest brother was brain damaged during birth in a way that was probably preventable if doctors had been more attentive. (Correct me if I’m wrong on any of this, mama!)
And I didn’t hear many birth stories growing up – just the usual housewife jokes about it being the Worst Thing In The World and Oh-you-don’t-know-pain-until-you’ve-had-childbirth.
The change of heart.
When I was 23, I read the book Spiritual Midwifery. I have no idea why I chose that book – at the time, I was doing “forward reading” for childbirth, figuring once I eventually did decide to have children, I’d only have nine months to get reading in. I’m so grateful that I did. That book changed my life, my mindset and my mama-heart on what was true and right for me… so I already knew what line of care I wanted once I became pregnant.
And I didn’t realise then that forward-reading and forward-knowing is really, really useful – by the time you are actually pregnant, you already need to pretty much know how you’d like to experience the birthing process. You usually need to decide on your choice of pregnancy care and birth within your first trimester. I really don’t want to freak you out if you are pregnant already and still don’t know what you want – because there’s still choices available… but if you are a maiden-not-yet-a-mama, forward reading is really, really, really good.
Examples in point: I already knew I wanted to book into the Birth Centre here in Canberra (a midwife run centre that is set up to mimic home birthing as much as possible). When I found out at five weeks that I was pregnant, I called them immediately, but they were already booked out. I was placed on a waiting list, we went to an information session to up our chances of getting in, waited… and were so lucky to get offered an early placement a couple of weeks ago.
I also already knew that I wanted a doula, and had already picked out someone I thought would resonate beautifully with us. I emailed her a few years ago just to say “Hey! I love your website, I’m definitely wanting you as a doula when we eventually have kidlings!” As soon as we found out I was pregnant, I emailed her to book her in… discovering she was already booked out for the month before us. But we got in! We got the doula we wanted! Hurrah! Forward planning of birth care = awesome 
The Scary Thing Is…
As they said in the movie (and something I’ve definitely seen) – People will spend more time thinking, investigating, researching and deciding on what camera or car they are going to buy than what birthing choices they are going to make.
Because women don’t always know there ARE choices.
And that just because everyone else is doing one thing, it doesn’t mean it’s the best one for you or your baby. Maybe it is.
But the point is… you get to be the one to explore all those choices, and make that choice for you.
Some of the options available…
I’m totally not an expert at all… but here’s some of the birth options I know about.
The Doula.
As my doula says:
When you go skydiving for the first time, would you prefer to do it on your own, or strap up to someone who’s done it before you, and has made it their life’s work to get it right?
And if you would prefer a skydiving strap-on… why wouldn’t you want a doula?
Whenever I say I have a doula, people usually say “A what? What IS that word?”
A doula is a pregnancy, birthing and breastfeeding coach and guide. She’s someone you hire to give you specialised one-on-one support, guidance and attention through the whole process… to make it easier, kinder and more gentle for you.
How I use my doula: I email her or call her whenever I have stupid (or not so stupid) questions about any part of pregnancy. She knows some wonderful tricks and tools to make it a more wonderful experience for us. She comes to our home, talks to me and my sweetie about the pregnancy, how we are feeling, and our birthing choices and plan. She answers questions. She gives us all the time in the world that we need (unlike doctors and antenatal check-ups). She’s got a bundle of books and dvds and resources that she lends to us.
As we get closer to the birth, we’ll meet up more often to talk about birthing, some ways we can approach it, what we are hoping for, and ways we can get there.
Then once I’m in labour, I’ll call her, and she will come to our home until we’re ready to move to the birthing centre. Once we’re at the centre, she’ll stay with us through the whole labour, supporting me, supporting Chris, guiding us, helping us make the process as wonderful as possible, speaking with the midwifes and helping hold the space for us.
After birth, she’ll help us settle in, help with breastfeeding, and also do antenatal visits to help us transition at home.
All in all, it’s love and support and guidance from someone who has made it her life’s work to make this process more wonderful for new parents.
And dude, this is the scariest, most transformative time of my life. Childbirth is up there on the Big Things Of Your Life.
If I can get more support and guidance to make it a better process, why wouldn’t I jump all over it like it was Zac Efron and I was a hormonal tween?
Oh, and have I mentioned that trials show that women who received continuous support from a privately employed doula were less likely to:
- give birth by caesarean
- give birth with forceps or vacuum extraction
- use pain relief
- be dissatisfied with their birth experience
- experience breastfeeding problems
- experience postnatal depression
Doulas.rock.my.world.
Some more resources about doulas:
A short movie on what doulas do:
Difference between midwives and doulas:
Also, if you’re a Canberra Goddess, you can check out these Canberra Doula websites:
My doula is Birth in Harmony. I also checked out Confident Birth and Empowered for Birth which looked pretty lovely.
Homebirth.
I would really, highly recommend watching The Business of Being Born to find out more about homebirthing, and why it is so important. The statistics for child & mother health are just as good (and in some cases better) than hospital births.
- Studies on the safety of homebirth
- Homebirth information and articles from Homebirth NZ
This is a beautiful YouTube series on Home Birth… to see the whole series, go here:
And also check out the book Spiritual Midwifery – the ground-breaking book on homebirthing & ecstatic birthing. This book’s incredible, beautiful birthing stories will change your life.
Birth Centres.
There are more and more midwife-run birth centres sprouting up across Australia & the world. These are centres run totally by midwives, and are usually set up to make birthing environments as homely and natural as possible.
The Canberra Birth Centre is so wildly popular, you need to book in as soon as possible – or cross your fingers and hope you get in on the waiting list.
We’ve been to our first session at the Birth Centre, and after having been in maternity wards, this place is like a haven of comfort and kindness. You get a midwife assigned to you to care for you throughout your pregnancy and labour. You get a ginormous wood-framed double bed, birthing room and waterbirthing pool. You get constant support and guidance on having the most powerful, lovely birth experience possible.
And as the Birth Centre manager said to us “If you’re looking to come in here, and get an epidural straight away, please don’t bother booking in with us. Go to the hospital. We’re here to support and empower women to have the most natural, healthy birth possible.”
We have chosen the Birth Centre as our best choice right now.
Giving birth at home or a birthing centre:
The point of all this is…
As women, we deserve birth choices that are healthy, wonderful and empowering for us. We deserve to know just how amazing our bodies are. We deserve to find out what shining options that are there for us, and for our babies. We deserve to know what’s going to work beautifully for us, and be totally supported and joyful in those choices – whether that’s a hospital, at home or at a birthing centre.
Just want to give all the women of the world a giant bear hug today,
love,
*
October 15th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Leonie, you have out done your self here with all of the resources that you have compiled and your very thoughtful ideas presented so clearly! I am a doula here in NYC and I can’t tell you how many times I have heard from women in their last trimester calling me in a panic because they JUST realized that they want a natural birth, in a birthing center, with a doula…but they have spent their whole pregnancy with an OB, planning to have a regular hospital birth. So many educated women still do not know what birth choices are available to them! Education is the most important thing and we women must educate ourselves on this most important of subjects. A woman’s birthing experience has the great power to influence how she sees herself for the rest of her life, it can be transformative and it can be equally damaging if the choices that are made for the mother do not conform to her own ideas. Please, please, make as many choices as you can before your birth. I can not stress enough the importance of setting your self up with care that resonates with your soul, with the way that you want to be treated while you are laboring and bringing your child out into the world. Blessings to all of the mamas and mamas to be out there, we are all connected.
Another great film, made by a doula and released last year, is “Orgasmic Birth”. http://www.orgasmicbirth.com/
xo
October 16th, 2009 at 12:05 am
One of my “moms” became a doula when she retired from the corporate world, and until she did I had never heard about them. They are so wonderful to have in this world!
Thank you for sharing all of this information. Even though I am not on a path that appears to include pregnancy and motherhood by blood (I am a new bonus mom, though) I enjoy hearing about the things that are out there to support women in this transformational experience.
October 16th, 2009 at 1:09 am
fantastic information … so good to get this out there and to remind women that they do have choices. Sad to say, in the state where I live it is illegal – YES ILLEGAL to do a homebirth! I think this is pretty archaic, but people need to be aware. The women here do have home births, but it is “oops, I didn’t make it to the hospital in time” and finding a midwife is a process similar to infiltrating a spy network.
I have taught prenatal yoga, and have listened to women express such guilt and grief over previous birthing experiences. One woman had planned for natural and things got very complicated and years later she still agonizes over whether she could have known more, done more. So educating yourself is key, but then there needs to be understanding and acceptance that they way your child is born is what was right for that soul’s journey.
congrats to you on so many magical pieces of your birth plan “falling” into place. My favorite expression is: planning is priceless; plans are useless. Do your work and then surrender it over to the Universe/Goddess/God. The ultimate goal is a healthy child
October 16th, 2009 at 4:53 am
Leonie, this post came at such an amazing time – i was just watching some conscious birthing videos on youtube last night, not because im pregnant but im just very interested in holistic living and all of that, and i just wanted to hear abit more about it – like you said its good to do ‘forward planning/reading’. well done me! xx
October 16th, 2009 at 4:59 am
Well done, that is very comprehensive.
Unfortunately, I had a high-risk pregnancy, hypermesis gravidaris and in the end the stupid placenta gave in on me so yes, I was in hospital – anything else would have been silly. I am probably one of the few people who can honestly say that my hospital experience was good. Not just as good as it can be, no it was really good. My midwife, bless her, was a true blessing. She supported me, encouraged me, told me I can do it. My daughter was put on my chest straight after birth, she was left there for a bit, but had to be checked over due to the placenta issue.
I think, however, in most cases women are totally capable to give birth at home. I wish I could, but I doubt that if I ever should be lucky enough to keep another pregnancy then I would probably not be able to do it at home either.
The mindset about giving birth is the real issue. Women are so scared of it. It’s made into such a taboo, all this screaming and shouting in all these pregnancy shows is not helping either. Yep, it does hurt, but does it matter? You are giving birth, you don’t hurt because you are ill.
I agree with the the previous comment: Just embrace birth as an experience. Surrender to what will happen will happen. That you will be happy with any birth outcome. Big massive birth plans are fantastic, but if you have to deviate from the plan you must be in a position to accept it. So many of my friends are still devasted that it did not happen as they wanted. It totally ruined the experience for them.
I hope you have a great birth!
October 16th, 2009 at 7:24 am
Lovely, thoughtful piece!
Plus there’s lots of info on herbs to use – or not use – during pregnancy! Her on-line info is delightful as well
I am one of the moms who paved the way in the 70s by wanting ‘natural childbirth’ & seeking options. I nursed my kids (~ 3 years each) was in La Leche Leage & ‘HOME’ (Home Oriented Maternity Experience) & second the last poster’s comment on being in ‘grace’ about however your birth turns out!!
My dau & son each have 2 kids, the 9 yr old born in the birth center at our local Hospital, with a nurse midwife & more intervention, the 3 younger kids born with midwives (2 at home, one in a center) – & I’m blessed to get to give new moms in a birth center run by those midwives! This summer, one of the moms had been transported for a C-sec, & then was able to return to the birth center for her recovery!
I have done some rather informal doula work, & encourage families to consider their options in birth & after.
I also recommend getting a copy of Susun Weed’s “Herbs for the Childbearing Year’ & using the infusion she recommends (nettle, alfalfa, raspberry) for the month or so prior to birth – tastes yummy, & my daughter lost VERY little blood after her home birth (surprising the midwives!) & it also boosts ‘baby’s’ vit. K levels
Blessings
October 16th, 2009 at 7:25 am
(oops – meant to say I give MASSAGE to those new moms @ the local birth center!)
October 16th, 2009 at 8:11 am
Feel so confident on your path LeonieLove, you are walking gracefully, strong and so very well informed!
We had a doula at Sacha’s birth. She was so wonderful in the birthing centre, especially when decisions had to be made, I was deep in my birthing and she knew our preferences and could communicate them well for us.
May I also suggest hypnobirthing? It is so common to think of pain and birth to entwine together, and as you have seen this does not have to be so. This technique gives you the knowledge of how your body works with birthing and how you can move passed the tensions with relaxation and breathing.
You make me grin so wide with your life’s adventure beautiful woman!
October 16th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Hi Leonie!
I’ll be in Canberra Hospital having my baby. Two floors above you the birthing centre : )
Don’t dis the hospital experience out of hand – they aren’t all as extreme as the one in the video! I won’t have a doula or a birthingpool (although I think both options are extremely awesome), but I will have my love as my extremely capable birthing partner!
I’m doing pre-natal yoga which is awesome, and I’m pretty sure I won’t be screaming – I’ll be too busy focussing on breathing. There is a big bath i can use if I want – and my yoga teacher really recommends it for pain relief early on. And unless something goes wrong, it will be midwives all the way – no doctors : )
And I’m reliably informed they no longer take the baby to be measured until you’re good and ready.
We’re also going to a calmbirth course, which involves lots of partner support, and some strategies from hypno-birthing.
I chose the hospital rather than the birthing centre partly because I want to feel secure that if things go wrong, everything I need is right there. (I am a worrywart.)
This felt like the right choice for me.
From somebody choosing the middle way : )
k
October 16th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
oops!
I didn’t mean to write such a rant – I guess I just wanted to say I think it will still be possible to have a mostly natural, amazing birth experience in a hospital too.
cheers,
kazari
October 16th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Thanks so much for your beautiful sharings, dearhearts…
I did want to write more to add in that I didn’t want for anyone to feel this post was a judgement against any choices any mama makes… every choice is sacred, perfect and her own… and I totally trust that we make the right ones for us
I just wanted to help any goddesses who didn’t know there were any choices available that there was, so they can choose from a smorgasboard of care possibilities. I totally didn’t know I had choices about it until a chance encounter with a book.
And if your choice is a hospital birth that is totally beautiful too!
And that of course we can all have our birth plans, but sometimes we end up having those 5-10% of pregnancies that do require more medical intervention.
And that any birth is a good birth… it’s all just a miracle and a blessing
Big love, and big group hugs!
Thank you for being here!
love,
Goddess Leonie
October 16th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Its great to know the choices. If you have someone you trust and love, a homebirth may be the right choice, but with the right support, a hospital birth may be as spirituallyrewarding. I was fortunate to have my child 11 years ago in a Sydney hospital that respected mine & my husbands wishes. No drugs, no screaming (except for when he was momentarily distracted by the European soccer on the TV). I was fortunate- from all accounts, I got off relatively lightly. There are as many good &bad stories on bothsides, it is all about you feeling comfortable (well relatively so!) in control (again as much asyou can be) & with people you love & trust to support you. Know your choices, know yourself- when you have that bub in your arms, that is the important thing.
October 16th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Amazingly insightful piece, you are so right to have done your research before you got pregnant, sometimes the swirling hormones make it hard to think straight! I have given birth three times, the first in hospital and the second two at home. The first time I wanted to be at home but my partner was too frightened and I wished I had been strong enought to follow my heart. It wasn’t an awful experience but the wrong one for me and I agree with Faith that your birthing experience can totally change the way you feel about yourself.
The two home births were beautiful and calm (still hurt though!!!) and empowering. The key is to feel calm, in control, supported and nurtured whilst giving birth and you can achieve this at home, in hospital or at a birth centre so long as you have educated yourself in what to expect. Well done for inspiring lots of mamas to be to do this.
Ps doulas and hypnobirthing are fab!
October 17th, 2009 at 12:38 am
Dear Goddess Leonie:
The pic of you and your belly is so beautiful! I loved the article about birthing options. My daughter’s birth was horrific – drugs, having my water broken, 8 hours of labor ending in a C-section. I was 19 at the time and woefully ignorant of any options.
Then, 11 years later, I became pregnant with my son. I was better informed about options, and was determined to have a vaginal birth with no drugs. My water broke at home (while I sitting on the toilet – how convenient was that?), and off to the hospital I went. My labor stalled about 8 hours in and the doctor put me on Pitocen. we argued about it first. I did agree to a bit of Demerol, as the Pitocen does make contractions much harder and more painful. I dilated so quickly the doctor didn’t have time to gown up, and he thought I didn’t know what i was talking about when I said I had to push. Ha!
But I did it! I delivered my son vaginally, yelled and swore, pushed like a fiend, and in less than an hour had my son. I still consider it the greatest accomplishment of my life. And the cool thing was I was up and about the next morning feeling great, while my room mate, who had an epidural, was confined to bed.
You make your birthing experience what you want it to be. You are a smart, beautiful, and joyful Goddess sister. I bless you and thank you for sharing all this wonderful information!
October 17th, 2009 at 2:03 am
The birth experience for both of my beautiful daughters was beautiful. And each birth was the extreme opposite of the other. My first, lovely Victoria, was induced, 12 hours, and irritating. Too many people poking and proding at me, checking to see where we were. It was kind of a nightmare. We had to induce because my father was stage 4 cancer and he was having surgery the next day, and we wanted him to see her born, just in case. I’m so happy he saw her birth, but I would never do it that way again. My second, the lively Ashley, was beautiful. I used accupuncture, meditation, music, and did most of my laboring at home in peace and quiet. And remarkably it was pain-free. At some point I just knew it was time to go to the hospital. Lively girl was born 15 minutes after we arrived. (I was a little more ready than I thought). I refer to her as my one push baby.
These two vastly different experiences left me believing that more natural you can do it, the better. I don’t remember pain with either, but I do remember how stressful it was to be induced and to listen for 12 hours to her heartbeat going up and down, and to have them poking and proding at her head. The second was beautiful, in fact, so fast my beloved almost missed it, he literally walked into the room as she was coming out.
You’re going to have a wonderful birthing experience, I can feel it! Love and light to you, beautiful Goddess Leonie.
October 17th, 2009 at 4:36 am
[...] Goddess Guidebook: Birthing Choices [...]
October 17th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
now that the weekend’s here i can catch up on my reading — when i saw that pic my response was omg! how exciting – can’t wait to read more…xo
October 21st, 2009 at 5:08 am
I watched the Business of Being Born documentary too, and I am so glad I did! It’s just crazy to think that there’s so much “stuff” going on in the world’s most natural event for a woman… it’s quite scary! I’m glad I’m doing some “pre-reading” as well.
Thank you for explaining what a doula is. I had read about them but never really understood the distinction between a doula and a midwife.
You are my dearest goddess Leonie!
November 18th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Love & Compassion for parents
Great info Leonie! I did some training to be a doula once with the ‘father’ of water birth, Michel Odent..but I guess life had other plans for me. Maybe someday…
Having gone down both the home/doula and hospital routes I agree that choices are great.
I just wanted to add that as expectant parents or actual parents one of the most powerful and valuable resources we have is the SUPPORT of others and the opportunity to SHARE our stories, fears and triumphs. There is often a real taboo about speaking openly about our bodies and birthing until it is almost happening. Also because it is such a sensitive and personal topic it is easy to take other people’s choices as in some way a ‘critique’ of our own choices or experiences. Just as children do, parents need love, support and non-judemental listening through this most amazing, transformative and often deeply emotional process xxxxxx
March 6th, 2010 at 4:06 am
[...] Goddess Guidebook: Birthing Choices [...]